There's Something about Kobolds

3rd Jan 2010

Tl; dr: Exploring the ruins, the party (well, Taelden, at least) blew all of their cooldowns wiping out an octet of kobolds in the “Mission Impossible” room, then found they had become stunt doubles for Harrison Ford whilst chasing a ninth runty kobold through the corridors. Let’s just say a giant boulder and some rather handy spikes (or spears, rather) were involved. The chase ended in a fatality of the kobold variety, and fortuitously half-led us to a giant room of highly interesting snakey statues that totally looked like they could be used for purposes other than looking pretty (anyone for an army of constructs?). We also found a drunk and suicidal kobold who readily agreed to become Aurin’s serv..cough “companion”.

So, back to the constructs… ( yes, those are the mystical ancient artifacts Lord Damon and everyone else was interested in). We found out that to activate them you have to say some stuff while waving you hands in front of their eyes in a complex fashion. Also, we found out that Lord Damon knows the magic word, but we killed him before he could tell us. But before that happened, Scales became the God of the kobolds, and we led the re-rescued villagers and a metric arseton of loot back to the village, where we proceeded to bullshit our way in and then slaughter Lord Damon and his mansion guards. Oops, we forgot to kill the spiders.

Raiders of the Lost Artifacts or There’s Something about Kobolds or Spikes, Boulders, Blades and Poison Darts: The Adventurer’s Guide to Interior Design

Our brave adventurers awoke in the dragon’s lair, feeling very levelled (six, shall we say?). They patiently waited for the barbarian to get dressed in his new armour, then set off down the corridor (leaving the drooling vacant paladin and ranger behind to… um… guard the loot?).

After a short time, Arghblargh hears a sound from the end of the corridor that sounds vaguely like a small group of small creatures. Though attempting stealth, the party blunders down the hallway like a baby elephant in a xylophone shop. Unsurprisingly, when we get to the room end of the hall there is an octet of well-prepared kobolds, all bearing a green dragon scale that marks them as ensorcelled minions of the green dragon. Time passes, the area is decorated with acid and fire, and eventually the pack is destroyed.

Then Arghblargh rounds a blind corner and sees a tiny snivelling kobold, and starts to chase it with nasty intentions. The rest of the party are not so thrilled with Arghblargh’s plans, and attempt to stop both him and the kobold, but to no avail. Boy, can this kobold run!

In our haste, we are led into a particular nasty corridor where Arghblargh promptly impales himself rather soundly in a nasty spike pit. The wily kobold then sets a giant clich├ęd boulder on us. Being totally distracted by the orc-kabob, Taelden in particular is too slow to notice the boulder until it has already mowed her down. With a couple of feeble “push/move” type spells and some repositioning, the boulder goes slightly off course and spares the rest of the party before lodging itself in an unseen pit faaaaaar down the corridor. Scales demonstrates resourcefulness on an all-new episode of “Spike-Pit Blitz”, when he recycles some old spiky spears and converts them into an attractive and function ladder that aids both escape from and crossing of aforementioned pit.

After damaging one of our good silk ropes and crushing the wizard and Scales’ best grappling hook, the party lose patience with the kobold, and they bring him down with a combination of magic missiles and hilarious wrestling throws.

They survive even more traps using cunning (involving minced kobold and that old “rolling around on the pressure plates trick, and finally come across yet another kobold that seems to be not interested in running away (thankfully), and instead is attempting to drink himself to death. Scales picks him up and carries him with us.

We proceed to find a room, or rather an archaeological dig full of statues of various makes and models, all appearing to be very very old and bearing partial or full serpentine appearance. Scales attempts to comprehend the language, and though most words translate fine, the grammar and context seem all wrong, and it thus sounds like garbled gibberish. Taelden performs a ritual to divine actions related to the statues, and she gets the sense than the statues can be activated somehow with a combination of spoken words and hand movements in front of the statue’s eyes. Despite best attempts by Taelden and Scales to communicate and replicate this, it fails.

After binding the kobold a little, we wake him up and ask him about the statues. He volunteers some information, and still appears to have very little interest in living. Aurin convinces him that perhaps he would prefer being a Sorcerer’s companion rather than actively embracing death. Little does he know that there’s not much difference. But now that he’s got a name (Graemwum), he might stand a chance.

One (Wo)Man’s Critical Fail is Another Man’s Critical Win

Arriving back at the digsite outside, we discovered our camp had become a concentration camp of sorts, with the previously castle-bound kobolds playing the Nazis, and the freshly recaptured workcamp villagers the Jews.

Scales saw an opportunity to capitalise on some brilliant foresight (his stone-etched claim of slaying the green dragon that previously was master of these same kobolds), and launched into a frightful pronouncement of power while the rest of the party stayed hidden.

Fortunately, the kobolds were in a critically gullible mood, such that they immediately bowed and swore fealty to their new God, Lord Scales. Taking advantage of the freshly pliable kobolds, Taelden extracted some information about the buried statues from one of the more senior mages. Subsequently, the newly appointed Lord Scales banished the kobolds to the forests of the North and telling them “don’t call us, we’ll call you”. Also he warned them not to muck around with humans (the whole, don’t let them see you, don’t leave a trace kindof thing). We then took the villagers into the dragon’s lair to get loot, and several rests and an overnighter (spent wisely by Taelden, making potions) later we were back at the gates of Shadowshield. Oh, we also bumped into a fresh digsite guard too, who we convinced that it would be a far better idea to go pillage some loot from the dragon’s lair than bolting back to town to spoil our fun.

Shadowshield Coup

After spectacularly bullshitting our way past the guards and into “Lord” Damon’s mansion, Aurin launched into a similarly stunning attempt at getting Lord Damon to drink a vial of dragon’s blood, which fortunately was subtle enough to be harmless in failure. After initially playing it nice, we broke out the big guns and slaughtered the lot, during which Taelden died twice. Note to self: don’t stand at the front door. Many twenties were rolled, and a good time was had by all. Scales decided we should best celebrate our victory by rummaging through the mansion to collect sufficient evidence to prove that Lord Damon was a corrupt warmonger preparing to amass an army and overthrow neighbouring cities. What a power junkie. Also, Taelden wants to find out what the magic word for those statue constructs was… they could come in handy one day when her palace needs painting.

XP awarded: 1500 +100 token bonus for Scales

Totals at the end of this session
  • Scales: 9115 XP
  • Taelden, Aurin, Arg Blaag: 9015 XP
  • All others 7500
Taelden’s Party Expenditures:
  • 50g for two Object Reading rituals
  • 20g for bribing kolbold mage for information
  • 400g for eight healing potions (distributed 2 each to Taelden, Scales, Aurin and Arghblargh) TOTAL 470g

PROPOSED KITTY SYSTEM Suggest that this debt is paid out of the profits of selling the goods from the dragon’s lair. Furthermore, suggest that a party “kitty” be established from the sale of these goods, such that collective party expenses (such as potions, rituals, bribes, supplies etc) can be paid directly from this kitty (saving everyone from having to do complex adjustments of their own gold constantly). Furthermore, all profits should be directed straight into the kitty, and at each time of profit the party members should all receive a well rounded and fair amount of gold “commission”. Suggest that Taelden be responsible for keeping and managing the kitty, as she has the most significant and constant party expenses in the form of rituals (especially brewing potions). Anyone wishing to purchase something unprecedented using kitty funds requires a majority of present party members to agree with this use of party funds, and notification of costs to Taelden.



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